Thursday, December 11, 2008

Keep on Trackin'

Global Positioning System (GPS) allows one to identify the exact location, to within a few feet, of where a GPS chip is emitting.

I give you the GPS underwear.

It’s meant as a gift for the, presumably, frivolous woman in your life.

If you note, the opening line of the article: “Feminists around the world have reacted with horror to a new line of lingerie that comes equipped with a GPS tracking system.”

Horror? Really?

I guess it’s the concept that really irks them: the very idea that they could be offered lingerie. Sheesh!

Oh wait.

Perhaps, it’s the thought that lingerie may be used out of bounds, as it were. That would really be just insulting.

Oh no, wait…

I’m thinking it’s probably the GPS that irks them! Ah yes, now I see it. They view it as an infringement on their freedom to do, well, the nasty? Or is it that they might get called on it?
Who would dream up such a hair brained surveillance system anyway? Bad, bad males that we are!

What if a male were to be offered an equivalent? Would that be ok with these feminists? Nah, that one was a too easy, too obvious and sub-standard reflection, even for me. But I figured I’d throw it in for the sake of completeness.

Personally, I submit they should be horrified just out of general principle, but that’s me.

I have to wonder who these people are that are horrified? I am really wondering if they know that their computer’s internet IP address is tracked and recorded. Of if they know that their cell-phone has a GPS tracker unit built-in. Or can anyone say “On*Star”?

Hey, bitch! You are already tracked 12-ways to Sunday! Wake the hell up already.

Just accept the lingerie, say thank you, cut the unit out of the bustier, and duct-tape it to his, or her, skivvies. I think the message will come across loud and clear.

And besides, who dreamed up all these surveillance systems anyway? Bad, bad people that we are!

Process Improvement? - bah, we don't need that shite

Wednesday, December 03, 2008

News Worth

The media is really making an effort to piss me off recently.

I give you Quebec's new provincial law that winter tires are now required on all automobiles registered in the province, from December 15 onwards throughout the winter. Don't get me started on this recent particular cluster-fuck.

Back to the media.

Last week, we had a nice dump of snow, freezing rain and all around general crap befalling us from the heavens. I wake up to hear on the radio that there have been multitudinous car crashes and “sorties de route” – loosely translated as haplessly falling off the road. This occurs every year, like clockwork, the first few times it snows.

Everyone is subject to it, no matter how careful, because the physics of car control literally changes overnight, sure as it it goes for me too! Eight months of driving with one set of rules goes to pot in minutes when the roads slick up. Ok, no news there.

But now let us put two and two near each other shall we?
- Impending new law coming into effect?
- Winter weather happening right now?
- Winter tires is a word of the day?

It would seem to me that the very, very, very first issue that any reporter worth their salt would elucidate for us: were the cars involved in the crashes already shod with winter wear, or not?

I look all over for the data, the modicum of empirical evidence, an article somewhere on the subject. The sheer curiosity is killing me!

And, well…


Not word one.

For the love of Pete!

Now I give you multi-page articles, nay tens of multi-page articles, on some guy named Avery dissing his old girlfriends and fellow hockey players. I think “sloppy seconds” were the words used. Obviously this guy has a chip on his shoulder regarding his ex’s.

I mean seriously.

Like I give a shit that a guy, no matter how infamous he may be, would bad-mouth his former squeezes? JHC on a popsicle stick, tell me who the hell doesn’t have a few choice words for their ex’s?!?

Maybe his former lovers can put the summer tires back on his rig and get him into real trouble!

… oh no, wait, he’s in Dallas.

PS. I am NOT giving you any link to what’s-his-face. Look it up yourself, he’s all over the sad-assed waste of resources we euphemistically call “the news”!

Bad Seating

I am broad shouldered. It’s genetic, so I think I should get the seats on both sides of me, let’s say in an airplane or on the bus or train, for free.

Also, I suffer from depression and sometimes I deal with bouts of agoraphobia, so I should be allowed to see James Blunt in concert all by myself in the arena, at no extra cost.

I’m partially deaf, so people around me at concerts and at the movies should shut the fuck up so I can hear the show.

Kidding aside, or is it really kidding?

I give you the airliner gambit. Wow.

Anyway, I’m immediately thinking: how about some decent seat space for the lot of us, to begin with? Then we’ll see.

Oh and by the way, James Blunt gives a really good show, assuming you don't have two ornery god-owes-them-all blond bitches in the seats beside you making an unholy ruckus during the entire concert.