Friday, September 28, 2007


In my past life, that is to say while I was doing time at Nortel, there came a confluence of events and situations that contributed to my eventual breakdown. There were seven major things of worry in my life. I have since determined that 7 is the absolute most I can handle, but barely.

It has now come to pass that I’m back up to 5 situations of major importance. I am feeling the strain. Given my burnout I am quite a bit more fragile than I used to be, maybe in the sense more careful and self-aware.

With this awareness comes a cost, which in my case is defence.

Not that I get defensive towards others, indeed I am trying to correct that behaviour, but rather I defend my own emotions. This invariably clouds my heart and what’s right for me. The mechanism whereby this happens in very convoluted, and I’ve spent many a session with my shrink describing how it all works. Maybe I’ll blog this so-called method some time.

My vision of events being unclear, but mostly, the effect on my heart and soul, gets me in a recurring depressive state.

You see, there are so many time/thought slices in a day. If those slices are used up by the worrisome shite, and there are enough of them, then beyond a certain ratio the world looks grim and so I get depressed.

Problem is, the recurring state then becomes a worry in itself, adding to the 5 I’m already carrying.

We’re getting damned close to 7 aren’t we?

This isn’t meant as an excuse not to write or blog, but is an explanation.

As to what those 5 things are, I won’t get into any details, but they are the usual.

2 are related to friendships going to pot, I stated this in a previous blog actually.
1 is family,
1 is money (of course!),
1 is quite personal,
and the last self-inflicted being mentioned above.

Now there are things I can do, and things I must let go. My path now is letting go of the things I can’t do anything about, and be well with myself that I’ve done so.

My shrink quoted a poem, from memory, yesterday. I was singularly impressed, since the stuff I remember is from television, like Burger King or Levi’s commercials…

So as with many, many a blogger who have quoted it, for various reason, I will do the same and leave it here as well, in case the link (click the title) disappears:


As children bring their broken toys
with tears for us to mend,
I brought my broken dreams to God,
because He was my friend.

But then, instead of leaving Him,
in peace, to work alone;
I hung around and tried to help,
with ways that were my own.

At last, I snatched them back and cried,
"How can you be so slow?"
"My child," He said,
"What could I do? You never did let go."

- Author: Lauretta P. Burns -

Monday, September 10, 2007

Swear, I swear

Brief hiatus from my vacation.

check it out:

Canadian electoral law requires Muslim women to swear an oath as to their identity if they are vieled upon presenting themselves for voting at the polling station.

Now, seeing as Canadian society, and its gubmint at large, require an oath to be performed on a stack of bibles...