Tuesday, October 30, 2007

Got Tagged


1. Name one person who made you laugh last night?
A woman reporter on Radio-Canada (radio) when she summed up a Muslim condition workshop, with words to the effect: "I can't see any concensus here... so you guys are all over the freakin' map?"

2. What were you doing at 0800?

3. What were you doing 30 minutes ago?
Unpacking groceries, errand stuffs and checking the rear leaf springs on the Jeep.

4. What happened to you in 2006?
Can’t remember that far.

5. What was the last thing you said out loud?
”Merci patron.”

6. How many beverages did you have today?

7. What colour is your hairbrush?
I don’t have a hairbrush.

8. What was the last thing you paid for?
A diet-coke (bleh) to got with my hot dogs.

9.Where were you last night?
Shopping, Lone-Star Café and then home.

10. What colour is your front door?

11. Where do you keep your change?
My purse (yes purse, deal with it)

12. What’s the weather like today?
Nipply with sun.

13. What’s the best ice-cream flavour?
Häagen-Dazs dulce de leche.

14. What excites you?
Coming up on red-line and a gear left to shift into.

15. Do you want to cut your hair?
Not right now – If I did, it would be a shave, not a cut.

16. Are you over the age of 25?
Yeah… so?

17. Do you talk a lot?
It’s been known to happen.

18. Do you watch the O.C.?
What’s an O.C.? (Ohhhh, I think I understand where question-16 comes in now!)

19. Do you know anyone named Steven?

20. Do you make up your own words?
Not often, but it’s happened on occasion. However I do tend to bastardize French words into English and vice-versa just for the enjoyment of the strange sounds.

21. Are you a jealous person?

22. Name a friend whose name starts with the letter ‘A’.
Ali, but she isn’t a friend, rather a work acquaintance.

23. Name a friend whose name starts with the letter ‘K’.

24. Who’s the first person on your received call list?
Unknown/blocked number.

25. What does the last text message you received say?
ok cya there

26. Do you chew on your straw?
I don’t have any straw.

27. Do you have curly hair?
Uh, no.

28. Where’s the next place you’re going to?
The living room or the washroom, not sure yet.

29. Who’s the rudest person in your life?
I’m not touching that one.

30. What was the last thing you ate?
Hot dogs for lunch.

31. Will you get married in the future?
God I hope not. I’m already married and intend to stay that way, although technically there is a vow renewal happening at 25, does that count?

32. What’s the best movie you’ve seen in the past 2 weeks?
The Kingdom (it’s the ONLY movie I’ve seen in the past 2 weeks)

33. Is there anyone you like right now?
wtf? Uh, yeah.

34. When was the last time you did the dishes?
Last week.

35. Are you currently depressed?
Duh, always.

36. Did you cry today?

37. Why did you answer and post this?
Cause MSW made me do it because of the evil deep fryer making LGS do it and, argh… whatever…

38. Tag 5 people who would do this survey…
Uh, no.

PS. I corrected the flavor and color abominations into proper Queen’s English: flavour and colour. *large grin*

Monday, October 29, 2007

What of Dreams Come

Yes, I’m talking about actual dreams that you have at night, while sleeping.

This weekend I was at a workshop, my annual pilgrimage into myself for, what my best mate from Toronto calls: a tune-up for the soul.

I made some progress in revisiting a significant and painful childhood event. Anger welled up, cushions were abused, all around pain was wrought but mayhem was avoided by a hair’s breadth.

It’s a funny thing how bottled up emotion from an ill-conceived and ill-understood event comes out – or more accurately doesn’t come out – in one’s character makeup. My anger at that situation, in which ultimately no one bears fault, has been a source of energy for me. In fact it became an integral part of me for so many years. I’ve spoken of drawing on anger in previous blogs as a source of motivation for example.

But having dissipated some of that pent-up rage I was able to dream last night. The dream itself is now lost. I don’t dream all that often, and when I do I hardly ever remember what the dream was about, but I inevitably remember dreaming.

Such is the case this time. The memory of it is lost, yet the energy from it was positive and carried on until this morning.

I sat down at my computer and fired up my emails, as I often do in the morning. I concentrated on one, or rather it caught my attention first; an exchange I’m having with a friend from the mid-mid U.S. (from a geographical point of view). I’ve been talking with him about some of my latest and long past lost friendships.

As I was composing the email I realized that I was at peace. Some of his council combined with the energy from my dream yielded a decision about letting go and letting the chips fall where they may. This decision I was making still feels sound to me, and so then was my peace with it all. I wrote him that I would follow his advice and experience, partly as a contract I was making with myself to follow-through on my decision, I admit.

My mother has often said, and still does: “la nuit porte conseil” – the night is a good advisor. What this idiom fails to mention however is that the mind must be open to council and the next morning conducive to making it happen. Fate, serendipity, timing, whatever… my point is that I was serene and open, not calculating and focused, when my mate’s email popped into view. I was open to reading it with a fresh mind and my night’s dream advisory came into focus all by itself.

I made a few choices like that this morning. I am satisfied and even though I got into a phone-phight with Bell Canada about them fucking up my long-distance plan, I am still relaxed.

Then another friend of mine calls to check up on me. I was utterly delighted at the gesture and we talked a little bit about dreams and recalling them, and when they occur: write them down as soon as we wake up, even if it’s only a single word. The conversation was maybe three minutes in length. I felt good.

And then I thought, “man, I gotta write some of this down!”

Thursday, October 11, 2007

Rain Proof

It's been raining on and off here for 3 days.

Truth be told, I have no idea what to write, but I figure proof of life is enough of a reason for today.

I went to see my shrink yesterday and afterwards went to the House of Lasagna for lunch.

Funny story about that, when I first came to the region back in 1990, I noticed this restaurant on my way to the office where I would do time for 12 years. I thought to myself: wow, this is the greatest! I do so love lasagna and vowed to frequent this restaurant forthwith.

It was some 17 years later that I finally decided to try it out, and it was excellent.

So yesterday I dropped in again, since it is a block away from my therapy session.

I had not brought a book with me, nor my ever-present Sudoku booklet, which was just as well since I was not in a good frame of mind to concentrate on either. So I sat in this olden place with my thoughts and my lasagna.

Once again I drifted towards friendships won and lost, to people’s relationships with themselves and each other. My previous one-hour therapy was obviously spilling over.

Sometimes I can immediately segregate my session from real-life within the time it takes me to walk from my shrink’s house to my Jeep. Some twenty paces. On days like yesterday it would take me hours. This is significant as it usually means I’ve hit a good vein. Good being a relative term of course.

I didn’t want to be alone, but eventually concluded that I needed to be. I lean on my wife and my friends for support quite enough as it is, I don’t want to call upon my friends only when I’m dreary. This sets bad precedent, and to be honest, it gets heavy and depressing for them! So I do try to balance it all out. Yesterday was such a day.

In no particular order, I played with calling my best-buddy, he was probably working from home, but he’s specifically someone close and local, whom I cherish and don’t want to overburden.

I wanted to call my wife, but I knew she was in meetings all day.

Then I floated to my mate from Toronto, and was wondering how he was doing. I haven’t heard hide or hair of him for a coon’s age. I should call him, but I hope to see him in person in a few weeks time.

This train brought me to a wonderful girl who used to work for me. She was lovely as can be and bright as high-beams on a dark night. I know for a fact that I was way too heavy on her. I sacrificed a developing and what might have been a durable friendship by being too much of myself with her on occasion. I deliberately chose to let her disappear from my world. I thought this was best, and I still do.

I looked at the hour for what seemed like the hundredth time. I desperately wanted company for my meal, but my usual lunch buddy would have eaten already. Maybe I was hoping that by glaring at my stainless steel Bulova that time would back up and lunchtime wouldn’t have passed for him yet. I finally put that aside.

Coming full circle, I thought of my recently lost friend again, but not so much as a lunch date. Rather, I thought of being my real self and how this had cost me.

Not to dwell on it, I was going to eat lunch, and by-god I was going to enjoy my lasagna.

So I ate and paid - left 24% tip, picked up a dozen fresh bagels and dropped off my cordless phone battery for a rebuild.

It had stopped raining for a bit and it was warm. Even though the overcast was solid as ever, I felt a bit better.

The day wore on and it rained again last night.

I like rain.

It washes.