Thursday, October 11, 2007

Rain Proof

It's been raining on and off here for 3 days.

Truth be told, I have no idea what to write, but I figure proof of life is enough of a reason for today.

I went to see my shrink yesterday and afterwards went to the House of Lasagna for lunch.

Funny story about that, when I first came to the region back in 1990, I noticed this restaurant on my way to the office where I would do time for 12 years. I thought to myself: wow, this is the greatest! I do so love lasagna and vowed to frequent this restaurant forthwith.

It was some 17 years later that I finally decided to try it out, and it was excellent.

So yesterday I dropped in again, since it is a block away from my therapy session.

I had not brought a book with me, nor my ever-present Sudoku booklet, which was just as well since I was not in a good frame of mind to concentrate on either. So I sat in this olden place with my thoughts and my lasagna.

Once again I drifted towards friendships won and lost, to people’s relationships with themselves and each other. My previous one-hour therapy was obviously spilling over.

Sometimes I can immediately segregate my session from real-life within the time it takes me to walk from my shrink’s house to my Jeep. Some twenty paces. On days like yesterday it would take me hours. This is significant as it usually means I’ve hit a good vein. Good being a relative term of course.

I didn’t want to be alone, but eventually concluded that I needed to be. I lean on my wife and my friends for support quite enough as it is, I don’t want to call upon my friends only when I’m dreary. This sets bad precedent, and to be honest, it gets heavy and depressing for them! So I do try to balance it all out. Yesterday was such a day.

In no particular order, I played with calling my best-buddy, he was probably working from home, but he’s specifically someone close and local, whom I cherish and don’t want to overburden.

I wanted to call my wife, but I knew she was in meetings all day.

Then I floated to my mate from Toronto, and was wondering how he was doing. I haven’t heard hide or hair of him for a coon’s age. I should call him, but I hope to see him in person in a few weeks time.

This train brought me to a wonderful girl who used to work for me. She was lovely as can be and bright as high-beams on a dark night. I know for a fact that I was way too heavy on her. I sacrificed a developing and what might have been a durable friendship by being too much of myself with her on occasion. I deliberately chose to let her disappear from my world. I thought this was best, and I still do.

I looked at the hour for what seemed like the hundredth time. I desperately wanted company for my meal, but my usual lunch buddy would have eaten already. Maybe I was hoping that by glaring at my stainless steel Bulova that time would back up and lunchtime wouldn’t have passed for him yet. I finally put that aside.

Coming full circle, I thought of my recently lost friend again, but not so much as a lunch date. Rather, I thought of being my real self and how this had cost me.

Not to dwell on it, I was going to eat lunch, and by-god I was going to enjoy my lasagna.

So I ate and paid - left 24% tip, picked up a dozen fresh bagels and dropped off my cordless phone battery for a rebuild.

It had stopped raining for a bit and it was warm. Even though the overcast was solid as ever, I felt a bit better.

The day wore on and it rained again last night.

I like rain.

It washes.


Blogger deathsweep said...

Sounds like you enjoyed the Lasagna but would have enjoyed it more if you had been able to share it. I enjoy being alone. I do my best thinking when I have no distractions yet I would have been more than happy to share a meal and good conversation with you as I'm sure one of your friends would also have. True friendship is never a burden, ask for their companionship, you'll probably be suprised.


October 11, 2007 8:45 p.m.  
Blogger MedStudentWife said...

Knowing you Steve - this is probably one of your best blogs.

I hear you, and your right - best to ultimately have spent the time alone to think and let things settle a bit.

Pasta... whenever I think of Italian restos & pasta..why do I think of you ? *lol*

Pavlovian me thinks

October 12, 2007 10:26 p.m.  
Blogger Steve said...

Given my still-recent lessons about friendship, well... "true" is hard to tell apparently. But I'm with you DS.

medstudentwife - Pavlovian hunh? Fitting, *smile*.

October 13, 2007 11:31 p.m.  

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