Monday, July 16, 2007

Damage Uncontrolled

It’s amazing, in the course of a life how much damage one can perpetrate and not know.

Once again, I am confronted with miscommunication.

It appears that I have somehow pissed off some very good friends of mine. The problem is that I have absolutely no idea what I have done,

No idea at all.

None.

I cannot even begin to fathom what it could possibly be! And no one is telling me.

In fact, those that could help me mend, or at least understand, the issue are refusing to communicate with me.

I must have done something absolutely horrible. But that’s only an educated guess.

I can’t fix it. I can’t talk about it, and apparently, the wrong I have caused was through my talking in the first place. So why wasn’t the slight addressed while I was having the conversation? I can only surmise it happened later.

As I said before I am not perfect and I am trying to improve every single day. Faced with such roadblock though, I feel helpless and hopeless and self improvement is for naught.

I can’t shake this image: you certainly want to fix the car, now that you’ve found out it’s broken. You want to give it a try, but no one will allow you into the garage, nor tell you what’s wrong with it. All you can do is wait for the bill and hope it doesn’t ruin you.

I cannot appeal, given the delicate situation, since this would be construed as further encroachment! And I might just make things worse!

And this is where the friendship really breaks down: my intentions were judged to be malicious and deliberate up front, and therefore unworthy of further consideration. Not all friendships warrant benefit of the doubt, but I thought this one certainly would be. I guess I was wrong.

I can assure you dear readers, that I was NOT deliberately being malicious.

This is the epitome of frustration.

And then it dawns on me that this refusal to communicate is, in fact, the actual punishment for my transgression.

I have been tried, judge and sentenced, all in absentia. And I can’t get a court transcript.

I just hope that whatever the hell it is I did, I never do again.

4 Comments:

Blogger DeathSweep said...

Steve,

All very easy for me to say, I know, but stop beating yourself up over this. It occurred to me years ago that true friendship is not something that any of us can or should take advantage of; it's a rarity (at least for me). Just by what you are saying it appears to me as if the people you are speaking about are true friends, at least in your eyes. We meet lots of people over the course of our lifetimes and friendships begin with some of them if we're lucky; the others are all merely aquaintances. The latter of the two find it very easy to just drop us over something that irks them because they're not true friends. A true friend however will over look things that they don't like because the things that drew them to be your friend outweigh any "bad" thing that you could do (within reason of course). I might be over simplifying this and by no means am I advocating your just forgetting about them. In the past I have had to sit back and think hard whether or not a person was worth kicking myself in the ass over. If I felt that they were I would do everything in my power to find out what the problem was between us and try to correct it even if it included my groveling when I knew in my heart I shouldn't. The reason for this? Their friendship meant enough to me to do what I had to in order to keep it alive. If after careful consideration I found that they weren't worth that kick, well, then maybe it was for the better and our friendship would end. I've found the best approach to simply be straightforward. I don't depend on others to find out what the problem is. I do it myself. I get right in their face and politely ask what it is that I did to them to cause this. Sorry goes a long way if you mean it. Most importantly, a friend is a friend forever and always, a true friend should also be wondering what's keeping you apart. And if their not? You decide.

Sorry for the length of this and I hope it gets resolved,

DS

July 16, 2007 7:18 PM  
Blogger Steve said...

I fear that getting in and asking point blank is what got me into trouble in the first place. And the situation is tactically impossible.

Nevertheless, I will certainly heed your words, they ring true to me. I will sleep on it, again, and possibly post a follow-up tomorrow.

July 16, 2007 8:14 PM  
Blogger MedStudentWife said...

steve & DS - not knowing,yet, what happened...

But Steve, in a long hand lesson I learn't ages ago from the "sailor" (you know who) & his experiences, its a lesson that stuck well...

It's determining "fair and foul weather friends". Its hard, but it puts some interesting filters that I never even suspected on friends.

Its a good exercise if you think of the nature of intent. This is seems to be a case of a foul weather friend... a pal til the "weather" steers poor.

Figure out what you want

July 16, 2007 8:51 PM  
Blogger Steve said...

Hi medstudentwife, what I want is for my best mate to be happy. If that means I bow out, so be it. Eventually knowing that he is, so will I be.

July 17, 2007 9:10 AM  

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