Jeff Dunham

I have to share one of the funniest most perfectly irreverant things I've ever seen.

I give you today: Achmed the Dead Terrorist


PS. See if you can spot the reference to Monty Python and the Holy Grail.

New Family Member

I wanted to pay tribute to my old cat yesterday. Today however is time to introduce the newest member to our family.

He is a survivor of an animal refuge. He was abandoned on the front porch of the Gatineau SPCA this last November 26th.

He was born, an approximation to be sure, on May 24 2008, therefore is a Gemini just like his new daddy.

We took him into our arms this past Sunday where he did his level best to impress us with his good nature. Continuously purring throughout he kept fetching our hands for caresses all the while mashing up against us.

On Tuesday I return to the SPCA to purchase the little black 7 month bundle. The young lady at the counter was highly impressed that I’d already booked an appointment with my vet for my new cat. I pay the fees and cart off to buy a real pet transporter, rather than a dull cardboard box. I head over to Wal-Mart (yeah, yeah, I know-but it was closest) for a single quick purchase, but I exit with an extra 60$ armload of toys, brushes and assorted knick-knacks, as well as a new blanket to pad the bottom of the pet taxi.

I head back to the SPCA once again to collect our new friend. The voyage to his new place of residence went well, although he wasn’t easily convinced into the pet transporter. I cannot blame him though since he did have this nice luxurious 2-foot by 2-foot condo, whereas the pet taxi was a serious downsize.

We are wary of my wife’s allergies, so once the cat and I get home, I go to town on him with the brush to remove as much dander as I can. I sit with him in the downstairs lavatory, with the door closed, for a solid two hours. Needless to say the allergy crisis is mine, but it had to be done. In that time, I fill up a box and present my new friend with fresh litter. It takes him all of 5 seconds of sniffing the corner of the box before he starts digging. Unceremoniously drops a load, expertly covers it all up, and that, as they say, is that.

When the missus gets home, it’s celebration time! We let the cat out of the lavatory and he is now free to explore the rest of the house while both my wife and I look on. We are well served as he dashes like a rocket from room to room. Hilarious!

But, what’s this? A bed? Woohoo! He jumps on and spreads out for all he’s worth. He’s obviously staked possession of this new space. He looks at us, I swear from under his nose, and rolls lazily. He adopts the bedspread for a good chunk of the evening.

He comes back downstairs to be with us for a bit. I had bought him a fur-ball on a spring, this is a winning gift. He’s already taken a shine to honing his hunting skills. More entertainment.

As with all good cats, as we get into bed on Tuesday night, he takes watchful position upon our feet. Clearly genetic coding, not another word uttered, we all fall asleep pronto.

Sometime in the middle of the night, the missus awakes for a quick run to the water closet. The cat grabs at the opportunity for a petting séance. Even dares so much as a smack to my face to garner attention, much as in the following cartoon : « click here ». I await the baseball bat with dread.

I think we’ll have to install a lighter coloured bedspread too. The current one is dark blue so once the lights are out, the cat is invisible!

In the morning, our new friend acts the part of a puppy and follows us around a little.

I bring him to the vet on Wednesday morning, braving yet another wonderful foot-high snowfall. He isn’t impressed with the pat taxi again (maybe because he knows it’s from Wal-Mart?) but he’s a good sport about it.

The vet is really happy to see me again with a new found buddy. She is a doll and fusses over him. The examination goes well, the verdict is in. He is a strong 7 month old male, weighing in at 7.1 pounds. He is not a diminutive cat and certainly has good presence and sturdy at that.

Other than some sneezing, he is healthy!

We come back home, risking life and limb in the storm. He immediately recognizes his digs, jumps onto the sofa and promptly falls asleep.

This gives me enough time to write a blog.

The vet needed a name for their files, so we picked one quickly.

It’s my pleasure to present to you, my new friend: Chamoir

PS. Chamoir is a would-be French name. It is a multi-entendre. Let me explain.
Chat : cat
Chat noir : black cat;
Cha’ moir : slurred baby-speak for the above;
Chamoirée : uneven multicoloured mix – so an opposite to black;
Chamois : or shammy, a soft suede leather made from sheepskin;
So seeing as this cat is really completely pitch black, has really soft and dense fur, well, I just couldn’t resist.

R.I.P. Le Chat Jaune

I've not been able to look at pictures of him until now.

I'd like to introduce you all to our cat which died on October 27, 2008. He was some 19 years old. He was worn down and overtired. It was a huge blow to have to put him to sleep.

We acquired him for my mum-in-law at Christmas back in 1990. She couldn't keep him so we took him in when my missus and I moved in together the following May. He'd been with us ever since, an integral part of our daily lives ever since the day we were married.

He was a truly excellent cat, for all that means. A real sweetheart, forthcoming with strangers, gentle and so comforting. A companion and presence for me during the day, and nothing short of a child to my wife. I have no qualms in saying he was really the child we never had.

So today, I give you my old friend le Chat Jaune.